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PostPosted: October 31st, 2011, 10:31 am 
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I've been sitting on this a long time now. The entire story is not done; in fact, I've been a bit stalled on it of late. But at this point, I think putting what's done out there and getting some feedback (hopefully) is gonna help me get moving on it.

And it's Halloween, and the story is sorta creepy, even if it isn't a Halloween story.

Ghostbusters West Coast: Toy Soldiers, Part One
July 17, 2009--Timeline Year Twenty-Seven
Chelsea Aberdeen Baugh is shaken by a disturbing dream. Even more disturbing is the sunrise murder of a hobo--one that signifies that bubbling tensions in LA's shadow community is about to spill into the light. Dark designs are coming to fruition; the toy soldiers have been lined up, and it will take only the merest push to begin their fall...


I'm provisionally planning to release Part 2 before the end of November, and Part 3 in January. That's really all I have "done" right now, and want to give myself some time to get a little more in the hopper. As for December, well, there's something I call "Mister Stay Puft's Christmas Adventure" on it's way.

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PostPosted: November 1st, 2011, 7:56 pm 
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I liked it. Can't wait for more.

:ej4ever:

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PostPosted: November 1st, 2011, 8:28 pm 
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One of the beta readers said something like "It read like an episode of Law and Order", which I took as a compliment (intended or not). I mean, how could it not with Detective Foxx, a blatant expy of the late Jerry Orbach? :lol:

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PostPosted: November 12th, 2011, 8:57 pm 
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You would post this the day after I move. I just got my computer back together (keep all you cords together when you pack, lol) I will read this as soon as I can! Can't wait!

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PostPosted: December 4th, 2011, 9:31 am 
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Sorry I'm just getting to this, I hate moving. I wanted to wait to read it when I could give it proper attention.



Lot's of spoilers!

Commenting as I read:

Wow! What an intro. Very introspective. It's good to hear more about Chelsea, good character development. Must be Geoff's birthday or something. Wonder what made her think of him like that with her busy life going on. Plot device? Is someone trying to 'toy' with the relationship?

I like the Krazy's reference. Oh how I wish we had gotten to read that second issue from 88. :x

So the cops don't need help with the vampires, just the ones surrounded by forcefields, lol. Wouldn't a vamp disperse when staked, or did I watch to much Buffy. At least the cops and GBs are working together on the West coast. East coast cops are some GB haters from what I can tell.

Well its good to see sunlight can still take care of some business, saves on the costs of plutonium, and answers my dispersement question.

--Fritz, you start talking about sparkly vamps and eclipse in one story and its gonna lead to a lot of confused girls when they click it from a google search, lol. :lol:

I like the idea of a ranking system, you should post the entire ranking system somewhere.

I like the shop talk, It does sound like Law and Order. Sounds like how they'd talk about a gang war or drug ring. That's always something you want to run into right?

He worked 18 hrs without raising an eyebrow? Must have been asleep the whole time, lol. ;)

"Occult Crimes Unit" Sounds fun. Are they monitoring the GBs like PCOCC does? LAPD would put them in the basement. :roll: I'd put the serial killers in the basement personnally, but then people would protest about inhumane treatment...

Random thought, maybe all the cases of spontaneous combustion were really vampire deaths?

Are you going to try an attempt to pull all vamp folklore into one cohesive event. Dude that's awesome, maybe completely insane and unobtainable, but awesome none the less. :ugeek:

If Caine was so powerful and decided he hated the others, then why didn't he just destroy them all?

Well. What exactly does the Occult Crimes Unit do if they just turn everything over to the GBs anyway, file the paperwork?

Wow. This ended in a very tangled web, people are in all areas of the field on this one.

Great story. I can't wait to see more!

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Peter: "Huh. Guess we're not welcome."
Winston: "Not welcome, there's a first. We should all get nametags that say, 'Hello, I'm not welcome'. Or maybe Tshirts or mugs or something."
--Ghostbusters the video game


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PostPosted: December 5th, 2011, 9:37 pm 
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ghostdiva wrote:
Sorry I'm just getting to this, I hate moving. I wanted to wait to read it when I could give it proper attention.



Lot's of spoilers!

Commenting as I read:

Wow! What an intro. Very introspective. It's good to hear more about Chelsea, good character development. Must be Geoff's birthday or something. Wonder what made her think of him like that with her busy life going on. Plot device? Is someone trying to 'toy' with the relationship?

I like the Krazy's reference. Oh how I wish we had gotten to read that second issue from 88. :x


Yeah. Dabb was giving me a really good feeling on his handle of those two in the "Legion" miniseries.

I've done my part to impress on Erik Burnham how popular this couple is. I still consider them the Ghostbusters' real supercouple (since Dana Barrett is only in the movies)

Quote:
So the cops don't need help with the vampires, just the ones surrounded by forcefields, lol. Wouldn't a vamp disperse when staked, or did I watch to much Buffy. At least the cops and GBs are working together on the West coast. East coast cops are some GB haters from what I can tell.


Well, things aren't always the same in LA and NY. Certainly, detectives Foxx and Dirkman have a good relationship with the GBWC, having worked with them before in stories such as "Act Two"

Quote:
Well its good to see sunlight can still take care of some business, saves on the costs of plutonium, and answers my dispersement question.

--Fritz, you start talking about sparkly vamps and eclipse in one story and its gonna lead to a lot of confused girls when they click it from a google search, lol. :lol:


:twisted:

Quote:
I like the idea of a ranking system, you should post the entire ranking system somewhere.


As I've admitted before, I steal a lot of vampire lore from the Old Classic World of Darkness. I thought I'd explained it okay in-story, but the short version is that vampires of lower generation numbers tend to be of greater power; Caine is considered Generation 1, his three spawn Generation 2, the Antedeluvians who founded the Clans Generation 3, and so on. Generation 15 was established in some WW books as the limit of the curse, and I'm sticking with that.

Quote:
I like the shop talk, It does sound like Law and Order. Sounds like how they'd talk about a gang war or drug ring. That's always something you want to run into right?

He worked 18 hrs without raising an eyebrow? Must have been asleep the whole time, lol. ;)

"Occult Crimes Unit" Sounds fun. Are they monitoring the GBs like PCOCC does? LAPD would put them in the basement. :roll: I'd put the serial killers in the basement personnally, but then people would protest about inhumane treatment...


The OCU was actually an idea from Ben King, who introduced it in some of his GBUK stories. I could imagine that LA might have set it up no later than the GBWC hitting it big in 2003. (Actually, one of his characters appears in the first GB2021 story as TJ Anderson's superior officer.)

Quote:
Random thought, maybe all the cases of spontaneous combustion were really vampire deaths?

Are you going to try an attempt to pull all vamp folklore into one cohesive event. Dude that's awesome, maybe completely insane and unobtainable, but awesome none the less. :ugeek:

If Caine was so powerful and decided he hated the others, then why didn't he just destroy them all?


The flippant answers would be "Because otherwise there wouldn't be a game or story" or "If we can get ahold of Mark Rein•Hagen, we can ask him." I guess the real answer would be "He felt like he didn't want to compound his sin by committing more murder, since that's what got him on God's shitlist in the first place." Or "Caine does whatever he want, and it doesn't have to make sense". Caine is like the world's first comic book Editor In Chief, I guess.

Quote:
Well. What exactly does the Occult Crimes Unit do if they just turn everything over to the GBs anyway, file the paperwork?

Wow. This ended in a very tangled web, people are in all areas of the field on this one.


I've felt intimidated by how big I plan to go with this story. It's a big part of why progress has been so slow.

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Great story. I can't wait to see more!


Part 2 should be out at the beginning of the year, part 3 in February at latest (barring anymore unforseen complications)

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PostPosted: April 25th, 2012, 9:05 am 
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After too long a wait

Ghostbusters West Coast: Toy Soldiers, Part Two

July 17, 2009--Timeline Year Twenty-Seven
This time it's Jason having bad dreams. Mike is reaquainted with someone he doesn't like very much anymore. Dr. Venkman is coming to town. Oh, and there's another dead body...

I'm starting to feel a little bit of a writing groove again, but I can't promise all that much. The next chapter of this story is done, and won't suffer the delay this one did, I promise you that with a fair amount of certainty. We'll see how things go after that--"Toy Soldiers" part three will be posted on May 13

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PostPosted: May 13th, 2012, 9:34 am 
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Ghostbusters West Coast: Toy Soldiers, Part Three

July 18, 2009--Timeline Year Twenty-Seven
The CEO of the GBWC and the Prince of Los Angeles meet. More bad dreams are going around. Darkness falls on Los Angeles once again.

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PostPosted: May 23rd, 2012, 9:56 pm 
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Ok. So I got through both parts.
A lot of setup for the upcoming chapters, obscure references and GB politics going on.
This is turning up to be a huge complex story, and I am very excited about it!
I wonder what Pete's part in this is going to end up being?
And I've always liked Shannon Phillips so I can't wait to see what that will lead to, wonder if he's the one in the cloak at the meetings?
I like all of the new characters, this whole other world of undead beings living in society with all the humans is fascinating and adds a lot of depth.
Can't wait to see more, but with this many subplots I can see why it might be a while for part 4!

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Peter: "Huh. Guess we're not welcome."
Winston: "Not welcome, there's a first. We should all get nametags that say, 'Hello, I'm not welcome'. Or maybe Tshirts or mugs or something."
--Ghostbusters the video game


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PostPosted: May 24th, 2012, 6:53 pm 
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ghostdiva wrote:
Ok. So I got through both parts.
A lot of setup for the upcoming chapters, obscure references and GB politics going on.
This is turning up to be a huge complex story, and I am very excited about it!


I'm honestly worried I've made it too big and complex. I keep going back and making sure I haven't forgotten anything or anyone.

Quote:
I wonder what Pete's part in this is going to end up being?
And I've always liked Shannon Phillips so I can't wait to see what that will lead to, wonder if he's the one in the cloak at the meetings?
I like all of the new characters, this whole other world of undead beings living in society with all the humans is fascinating and adds a lot of depth.


As always, based on things that others have done.

Quote:
Can't wait to see more, but with this many subplots I can see why it might be a while for part 4!


I've gotten a little bit of work done on it, but I've been concentrating on an RGB story and a non-GB story I've been picking at lately.

Thanks for the comments, as always.
:)

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PostPosted: May 26th, 2012, 12:59 pm 
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Never ever worry about length or complexity! I love complexity! And now I need to read this.

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PostPosted: May 27th, 2012, 12:15 am 
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Man Fritz your stuff is always good. I still find myself reading some of your older works when I need a pick me up. It's amazing how you keep coming up with new things. Can't wait for you to do some more new stories. KEEP UP THE AWESOME WORK!

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PostPosted: May 27th, 2012, 6:27 am 
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Hey, I love the complicated stuff (though it normally means I have to wait until the whole story is finished before reading it! :D).

I gotta say, I do love the artwork at the beginning of each chapter. I think it's fantastic when authors can get in a little bit of artwork to illustrate their stories. It goes to show how much work is being put into these stories.

I think you re doing a great job at building the tension, and I'm really looking forward to what's going to happen next.

However, I think I should mention that there are some spelling mistakes I noticed which pop up here and there in Pts 2 & 3, and some of the sentence structure could have been tweaked a bit, but those are things your betas should have picked up on. Aside from those little things, it's fantastic. Eager to read more! :mrgreen:

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PostPosted: May 27th, 2012, 9:31 am 
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nikki wrote:
I gotta say, I do love the artwork at the beginning of each chapter. I think it's fantastic when authors can get in a little bit of artwork to illustrate their stories. It goes to show how much work is being put into these stories.


Thanks. Glad somebody is appreciating those. I've resolved to try and do "splash" or "cover" pictures for every story I do now. Truth to tell, part of the reason Part 2 was delayed was I hadn't sit down to draw the picture for it. I actually did the one on Part 3 first, and a couple others already done, but they weren't right for part 2. Once I get "Toy Soldiers" done, I hope to put together a sort of "gallery". Maybe even color the darn things for it.

nikki wrote:
However, I think I should mention that there are some spelling mistakes I noticed which pop up here and there in Pts 2 & 3, and some of the sentence structure could have been tweaked a bit, but those are things your betas should have picked up on. Aside from those little things, it's fantastic. Eager to read more! :mrgreen:


I will be honest--I'd written most of that in little bits and pieces, and yeah, rereading it again I can see spots where it doesn't hang together as well as I'd hoped. I hate letting people down like that.

I also got a wire or two crossed, and actually forgot to show them to Ogre before I put them up. He's usually good at rooting out some of the problems. But I'm not blaming him--it's my fault for not getting it to a better standard.

I'll try to do better moving forward.

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PostPosted: May 27th, 2012, 3:00 pm 
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Fritz wrote:
I'll try to do better moving forward.

Hey, no problem. I thought you had a team of betas working on your stories. Didn't know you were largely doing the whole entire thing yourself! :oops: Sorry. Honestly, it was just little things. No biggie.

If you want me to help beta it for ya, take some of the pressure off of you and Ogre, then just let me know.

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