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PostPosted: October 3rd, 2008, 1:14 am 
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Doberman
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Location: Martinsville, Indiana
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www.freewebs.com/manhattanislandtales

i promised!
now here you are!


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PostPosted: October 7th, 2008, 5:32 pm 
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I Have No Life
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and you are off to a good start. i think you write egon very well. I am still trying to get used to characters so I will have more for you at the next few instalments.

One critique though--Please remember to be careful that you let the readers know who it in a conversation there were a few times when I was reading that I could only identify one person in the conversation. that's always a good time to throw in some action for the conversation, fidgitting is a good way to ID a character, lol.

Anyway, I think this has possibilities, I have to get used to louis though, still don't know if I like the guy. ;)

_________________
Peter: "Huh. Guess we're not welcome."
Winston: "Not welcome, there's a first. We should all get nametags that say, 'Hello, I'm not welcome'. Or maybe Tshirts or mugs or something."
--Ghostbusters the video game


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PostPosted: October 8th, 2008, 6:47 pm 
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later in the series, you will.
everything will come full circle by episode 18.
Thank you so much for reading!!!!!!!!!!
and the critiques!!!!! thank you!!!!!


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PostPosted: October 9th, 2008, 12:28 am 
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Are all of the stories posted? Or just one?
Because I only seem to have access to one...

Just checking...


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PostPosted: October 9th, 2008, 7:03 pm 
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just one so far, because i can't seem to figure out how to set up links and get them separate.....

something tells me i should consult Fritz the Almighty on this one.


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PostPosted: October 9th, 2008, 7:16 pm 
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Doberman
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Location: Martinsville, Indiana
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btw, thanks for saying that i write Egon well.
to me, that's a compliment in the highest, and I nearly had a coronary when I read it.

emotionally, he seems to be the hardest one to write for because he's so stoic. it's the lack of emotion that makes it so much harder, but with children around he's slightly softer. He's always about setting a good example for them.

Is anyone sad that Winston's retiring?

And where's Dana?? (Don't worry, she'll be back.)

Trust me when I say that many minor characters WILL show up at some point or another.
Walter Peck? Yup.
That bratty kid at the birthday party? Mhmm.
Janosz? Oh, definitely.

I can't resist that one. The story incorporating Janosz is DELICIOUS!

As far as Louis goes, there's more to the story between Janine and him, and like i said, everything comes full circle by Episode 18.

Keep your potatoes peeled around Halloween.
Halloween at Spook Central? Hells yeah!


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PostPosted: October 12th, 2008, 9:18 am 
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Administrator
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Agent K wrote:
just one so far, because i can't seem to figure out how to set up links and get them separate.....

something tells me i should consult Fritz the Almighty on this one.


I'm not sure what you're needing here--I think I'd have to get a little more information about what you want to do.

Interesting start. I can't help but compare and contrast it to the continuity I write in, so little things like Venkman having a daughter, and Janine having a daughter with the middle name "Marie" to boot, are interesting little parallelisms to it.

Ryan Stantz threw me for a second--I don't think I've ever heard that name used for anyone besides a male.

Nice nod to EGB by mentioning "Kylie and the others". Being a more movie-centric perspective, you could have been forgiven for ignoring them completely, I guess. I'm just not trying to think too hard about how episodes like "Darkness at Noon", "The Crawler", and "Back In The Saddle" would work here (they probably don't--just saying Kylie and the EGB exist in this universe doesn't mean that any or all of their episodes happened exactly as shown)

Anyway, looking forward to more.

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PostPosted: October 12th, 2008, 6:57 pm 
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Doberman
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Joined: March 30th, 2008, 11:09 pm
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Location: Martinsville, Indiana
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Fritz, I'll PM you with more details on the links and things. I'm not that great at running a website.

As far as the parallels go, I'd started this WAAAAAY before I'd ever read any of your stories, but when I saw the Marie Cavendish thing I wanted to kick myself. Her middle name is Marie because she absolutely hates her first name, Janis (which is obviously a portmanteau of her parents' names).

Ryan's name was originally Kimberly Rae, but I changed it to Ryan after I developed the character. And I can't wait to take her character to new levels. (that gets me all excited.)

Thanks for the praises though. Coming from anyone on this site, a praise, or even a critique is a compliment in the highest. From Fritz himself, that's like..... woah.


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PostPosted: May 25th, 2009, 1:19 am 
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Doberman
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Joined: March 30th, 2008, 11:09 pm
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Location: Martinsville, Indiana
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sorry for the insane backlog. between me moving to the middle of the country (and like half an hour away from our dear moderator, HUMPH!) it's been difficult to write, but the site has been updated, MUCHLY.


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