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PostPosted: August 16th, 2010, 2:42 am 
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Extreme Ghostbuster
Extreme Ghostbuster

Joined: July 28th, 2010, 7:01 am
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So, I wrote this small little vinette although I don't really know what to title it. Since it takes place during Fritz's fiction timeline I though, who better to task than you guys?

It's a bit of a mystery story so if it sounds obtuse it's because I want you to guess who it's really about. :)

Sometimes Geneva questioned whether being married to a Ghostbuster was ever a sane thing to do. Not that she had been thinking that at the time; they had met and it was like they found soul mates in each other. How anyone couldn’t find that man sweet and loveable was beyond her. She understands that he works hard and long hours because it’s important; the fate of world kind of important. Yet there’s still a chill down her spine every now and again. She watches their daughter on the swing outside singing in the cold autumn air, “Have you seen the ghost of Tom? Long white bones with the skin all gone.

It’s nothing, just a song that children sing around Halloween. It doesn’t mean anything. It shouldn’t mean anything and she should be going back to stir the pot again. She should be checking on the meatloaf in the oven. She should be doing anything but focusing on that haunting song.
Wouldn’t it be chilly with no skin on?

Geneva leaves to go to the back porch screen door, “Sarah? Get inside it’s getting cold and dinner’s almost ready!”

Their daughter, Sarah, stops the swing by stamping her feet down. Sarah wants to argue, say that it’s not, but there’s something about her mother’s voice that sounds scared and it worries her. Without another word Sarah dashes into the house and Geneva can release the breath she was holding. The garage door opens and she knows that her husband is safe for another day.

“Daddy!” Sarah joyously runs into her father’s arms.

“Hey Princess, were you good today?” Her husband asks.

“Yes, I was very good and I helped make a pumpkin in class today!” She tells him proudly and then, quick as she can, asks, “Tell me one of your ghost stories daddy!”

“Supper’s ready.” Geneva interrupts not wanting to hear. She’s been thinking that it’s these Ghostbuster stories that have been making her jumpy as of late. She can’t imagine why she, a grown woman, cowers while her five year old goes to bed every night without any nightmares.

“But-” Sarah looks ready to fight her on this but her father takes her aside.

“After dinner.” He tells her, “I promise.”

One of Geneva’s rules in the household has been no talk of business during dinner, especially ghost business. It’s hard to eat with tales of monsters and lost souls around. It’s not that she doesn’t appreciate what the Ghostbusters do but for some reason it makes her sad and scared. Scared for the obvious danger that comes with the job and sad for all the lost souls who need help to move on. The idea that while she’s in her warm, cozy, house they’re out in the cold without family or friends makes life after death depressing.

While Sarah darts over to the bathroom to wash up Geneva turns to go get the plates. That’s when she feels her husband’s hands on her shoulders. His hands have always been soft because he’s the one who’s been out in the field the least. He had confided in her once that he had actually preferred it that way, instead tending the books and the business.

“Gene, what’s the matter? You’re awfully tense tonight.” He asks. She doesn’t want to tell him, doesn’t want to sound like a baby, but when she looks up at her husband Louis can definitely see fear in her eyes.

~Fin~

I don't know why but Louis always struck me as an interesting character. Probably because he's kind of the unwanted child of the series. I named their daughter Sarah because it means "Princess" which is what Louis called his illusion daughter in Hearts In Eclipse.


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PostPosted: August 16th, 2010, 6:30 am 
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Moononite
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I don't have much to say after reading it once through except that Geneva is a pretty awful name for a character, even a female one. Was her maiden name Convention?

Also, if it's Louis she's married to, you might be treading on thin ice by making him a Ghostbuster.

Otherwise, I'm interested.

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PostPosted: August 16th, 2010, 3:35 pm 
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Extreme Ghostbuster
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Location: Pennsyltuckey
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I think this would have been a lovely "future snapshot fic"...for Winston. But that's just my opinion. :o)


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PostPosted: August 16th, 2010, 4:31 pm 
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Extreme Ghostbuster
Extreme Ghostbuster

Joined: July 28th, 2010, 7:01 am
Posts: 10
Well, I did ask for help.

Quote:
The Joker: I don't have much to say after reading it once through except that Geneva is a pretty awful name for a character, even a female one. Was her maiden name Convention?


Actually, Geneva is my grandmother's name. :shock: Still, I suppose the name is a little outdated since my grandmother was born in 1930 but I didn't think it was that bad. I'll take a new name under consideration.

Quote:
Also, if it's Louis she's married to, you might be treading on thin ice by making him a Ghostbuster.


Oh, that. :lol: No, that's just a little white lie that he tells Geneva to impress her and make her think that he's really "one of the team". I think the last time he donned the pack was in the second movie.

Quote:
artisanrox: I think this would have been a lovely "future snapshot fic"...for Winston. But that's just my opinion. )


What? Louis doesn't deserve any love? ;) On a serious note I would love to write for Winston but I really don't know how. I'm kinda afraid that I would accidently write something racist. Although not as bad as The Legend of Mary-Sue which I know is supposed to be a parody.

Not only that but Winston already has Charlene and Kalia and I think writing them might be stepping on a few peoples toes. I might want to wait until I'm a little more familiar with the board and vice versa.

Thank you both for bothering to write! I know on ff.net very few people would bother to give any constructive critism back!


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PostPosted: August 16th, 2010, 5:26 pm 
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Moononite
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Joined: October 22nd, 2007, 4:32 pm
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miriahofthewind wrote:
Well, I did ask for help.

Quote:
The Joker: I don't have much to say after reading it once through except that Geneva is a pretty awful name for a character, even a female one. Was her maiden name Convention?


Actually, Geneva is my grandmother's name. :shock: Still, I suppose the name is a little outdated since my grandmother was born in 1930 but I didn't think it was that bad. I'll take a new name under consideration.

Oh, sorry about that :oops: Are you from the US? If so, it might be a case of the name not travelling well over the Atlantic - most people here in the UK would think of the city in Switzerland on hearing it (it's an important city politically but not very glamorous, and that defines its reputation more or less).

Quote:
Also, if it's Louis she's married to, you might be treading on thin ice by making him a Ghostbuster.


Oh, that. :lol: No, that's just a little white lie that he tells Geneva to impress her and make her think that he's really "one of the team". I think the last time he donned the pack was in the second movie.

The last time he used a pack I think would have been in one of the later RGB episodes....maybe "Jailbusters". Well he's going to have to cope with that eventually - lies have a funny way of biting you back sometime down the line. :twisted: Seriously, though, if it's not part of the plot already, I'd sort it out....that's not a healthy basis for a relationship.

Quote:
artisanrox: I think this would have been a lovely "future snapshot fic"...for Winston. But that's just my opinion. )


What? Louis doesn't deserve any love? ;) On a serious note I would love to write for Winston but I really don't know how. I'm kinda afraid that I would accidently write something racist. Although not as bad as The Legend of Mary-Sue which I know is supposed to be a parody.

You only have to worry about writing something seriously racist if you [i]are[i] racist, and I'm guessing you're not. I know what you mean though - it can be easy for being a fairly unbiased person to slip into stereotypes without realising sometimes.



If you're looking for con crit, ff.net isn't really the place to look ;)

I'm glad there's another Louis romance fic, though, because like you I think Louis deserves more respect. Please, keep on writing.

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PostPosted: August 16th, 2010, 7:24 pm 
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Extreme Ghostbuster
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Location: Pennsyltuckey
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Quote:
What? Louis doesn't deserve any love? ;)


To me, everything about Louis just screams "executive meddling" to me. Yeah, I'm biased ;o) It's not what I'd prefer to read, but your story was really lovely.


And there's a huge difference between writing a racist piece of literature and writing a Mary Sue. To me, the racist stuff is worse because a Mary Sue is usually written by those with obviously no writing skills whatsoever.

But you haven't done either here, and I think you'll be fine. :O)


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PostPosted: August 18th, 2010, 9:26 am 
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Having hung around at some of the other boards, I think reaction to Louis depends on how important you view the cartoons. Many of the Movie Purists seem to think Louis is somehow vital to the franchise, and bitched and moaned about how he wasn't in the video game. Cartoon fans knew the Ghostbusters got along just fine without him, and a part of their disdain for GB2 is how he was basically, to them (well, us) a one-shot character who was brought back for no good reason and shoved into all sorts of places he had no business being. (Potential double entendre intended...)

GBOT canon says Louis never becomes a full-time Ghostbuster. He's strapped on a pack a time or two as needed, and "as needed" usually means "the world is about to end and we need every gun we can get". "Chronicles of Gozer" was the most recent time; he's got an important job as Cheif Financial Officer of GBI, but that doesn't involve blasting things very much.

Geneva's a good name. People can always call her "Gen" (pronounced "Jen") if they feel uncomfortable using it.

I'm interested in seeing where this goes, and what reaction it gets from the other GBOT contributors. We had a potential love interest for Louis a few years ago, but the writer never finished her story and hasn't logged into the board in three years.

:)

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PostPosted: August 18th, 2010, 10:52 am 
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Extreme Ghostbuster
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Joined: August 1st, 2010, 10:03 am
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Location: Pennsyltuckey
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Fritz wrote:
Cartoon fans knew the Ghostbusters got along just fine without him, and a part of their disdain for GB2 is how he was basically, to them (well, us) a one-shot character who was brought back for no good reason and shoved into all sorts of places he had no business being. (Potential double entendre intended...)



I'll be going to the corner now swallowing Clorox in the hopes to be rid of that visual. :mrgreen:


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PostPosted: August 23rd, 2010, 4:24 pm 
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Extreme Ghostbuster
Extreme Ghostbuster

Joined: July 28th, 2010, 7:01 am
Posts: 10
Sorry it took so long to reply. Life comes at me fast.

Yeah, I actually am from the US. San Francisco to be exact.

Thanks for the cannon review Fritz. I'm trying to watch The Real Ghostbusters and try to follow along with the fanfiction and right now I'm still in season 2 somewhere.

It might be a while before I can write something because I'm still trying to familiarize with the GBOT but I'll definitely be around when something is posted! Thanks again for all the help.


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PostPosted: August 23rd, 2010, 7:30 pm 
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I Have No Life
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Hey I'm all for Louis having his own life away from the guys...and Janine, be it slightly delusional or not. I will be very happy to have him in his own side story married to a person other than Janine. Really, it's all I've ever wanted for him.

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Winston: "Not welcome, there's a first. We should all get nametags that say, 'Hello, I'm not welcome'. Or maybe Tshirts or mugs or something."
--Ghostbusters the video game


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PostPosted: August 24th, 2010, 9:23 am 
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miriahofthewind wrote:
Sorry it took so long to reply. Life comes at me fast.

Yeah, I actually am from the US. San Francisco to be exact.

Thanks for the cannon review Fritz. I'm trying to watch The Real Ghostbusters and try to follow along with the fanfiction and right now I'm still in season 2 somewhere.

It might be a while before I can write something because I'm still trying to familiarize with the GBOT but I'll definitely be around when something is posted! Thanks again for all the help.


You're very welcome. Now the standard two disclaimers:

1. You're under no obligation to follow the Timeline. It's a fan work, and I don't require it even to post your stories on this site.

2. And if you do have questions about things, do not be afraid to ask.

:)

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